萨古鲁：如何与他人建立非常美妙的关系？

Sadhguru: For most people, the quality of relationships that they hold in their lives largely decides the very quality of life that they live. When it is playing such an important role in your life, it needs to be looked at. What is the basis of a relationship? Why do human beings need a relationship? Relationships are formed on different levels; there are various types of relationships to fulfill different types of needs. The needs may be physical, psychological, emotional, social, financial or political - they could be of any kind.

Sadhguru（萨古鲁）：对多数人来说，他们生活中那些关系的质量，很大程度决定了他们生命的质量。当它在你的生命中扮演如此重要的角色时，我们需要来看看关系的基础是什么？为什么人类需要关系？关系在不同层面上形成；有不同类型的关系来满足不同类型的需求。这些需求可能是生理的、心理的、情感的、社会的、经济的或政治的——它们可能是任何类型的。

Whatever be the nature of the relationship, whatever be the type of relationship, still the fundamental aspect is you have a need to fulfill. “No, I have nothing to get, I want to give.” Giving is also as much a need as receiving. “I have to give something to somebody” - this is also as much a need as “I have to receive something.” There is a need. Needs may be diverse, accordingly relationships could be diverse. 

无论关系的本质是什么、关系的类型是什么，最基本的面向是：你有一份需求需要被满足。“不，我不想得到任何东西，我想要给予。”给予也和接受一样是一份需求。“我要给予某人一些东西”——这和“我要得到一些东西”一样也是一份需求。有一份需求在那里。需求的内容可能是多样的，相应地，关系也可能是多样的。

The needs within a human being have risen because there is a certain sense of incompleteness and people are forming relationships to experience a certain sense of completeness within themselves. When you have a good relationship with someone dear to you, you feel complete. When you do not have that, you feel incomplete. Why is this so? This piece of life is a complete entity by itself - why is it feeling incomplete? Why is it trying to fulfill itself by making a partnership with another piece of life? The fundamental reason is we have not explored this life in its full depth and dimension. Though that is the basis, there is a complex process of relationships.

人类内在开始产生了需求，是因为有某种不完整的感觉，于是人们形成关系来体验某种完整的感觉。当你和某个你亲近的人有一份好的关系时，你感觉到完整。当你没有（好的关系时），你觉得不完整。为什么是这样的？生命自己本身就是一个完整的独立存在——为什么它感觉不完整？为什么它试着通过和另一个生命产生关系而得到自我满足。其根本的原因是我们还没有彻底探索到这个生命的全部面向。虽然那是基础，但是关系仍然很复杂。

The Source of Expectations

期待的源头

Where there is a relationship, there is an expectation. The expectations that most people are creating are such that there is no human being on the planet who could ever fulfill those expectations. Especially in a man-woman relationship, the expectations are so much that even if you marry a God or a Goddess, they will fail you.  When you are unable to understand the expectations or the source of expectations, you cannot fulfill the expectations. But if you understand what the source of these expectations is, you could form a very beautiful partnership.

有关系的地方就有期待。大多数人们产生的期待如此之高，以至于地球上没有人能够完全满足这些期待。尤其是在男女关系中，期待那么多，就算你是和神或女神结婚，他们都会令你失望。当你无法理解期待和期待的来源时，你是无法满足期待的。但如果你理解了这些期待的源头是什么，你就能和他人建立非常美好的关系。

Fundamentally, why have you sought a relationship? Because you will find that without any kind of relationship in your life, you would become depressed. You are seeking a relationship because you want to be happy, you want to be joyful. Or in other words you are trying to use the other person as a source of your happiness. If you are happy by your own nature, the relationships will become a means for you to express your happiness not to seek happiness. If you are trying to squeeze happiness out of somebody and that person is trying to squeeze happiness out of you, it is going to be a painful relationship after some time. Initially it may be okay because something is being fulfilled. But if you are forming relationships because you want to express your happiness, nobody is going to complain about you because you are in the process of expressing your joy not seeking joy from the other person.

从根本上说，你为什么要寻求关系？因为你会发现如果你的生命中没有任何一种关系的话，你就会变得抑郁。你寻求一段关系，因为你想要快乐，你想要幸福。或者换一种说法，你在试着用另一个人来当作你快乐的源泉。如果你的本性就已经是快乐的，那么关系将成为你表达快乐的手段，而不是你寻求快乐的手段。如果你试图从某人那里榨取快乐，某人试图从你那里榨取快乐，过一段时间后这就会变成一段痛苦的关系。但是如果你建立一段关系是因为你想要表达你的快乐，那么就不会有人抱怨你，因为你在表达你的喜悦，而不是从他人那里寻求喜悦。

If your life becomes an expression of your joy, not a pursuit of happiness then relationships will be naturally wonderful. You can hold a million relationships and still hold them well. This whole circus of trying to fulfill somebody else’s expectations does not arise because if you are an expression of joy, anyway they would want to be with you. Shifting your life from pursuit of happiness to an expression of joyfulness is what needs to happen if relationships have to really work on all levels, because they are of many kinds.  

如果你的人生变成喜悦的表达，而不是对快乐的寻求，那么关系将自然是美妙的。你可以拥有着一百万个关系，而仍然维护得很好。这整个试着满足另一个人的期待的戏码就不会上演，因为如果你是喜悦的表达，他们不管怎么样都会想和你在一起。如果要让关系在所有层面都顺利运作，则需要将你的生命从寻求快乐转变为表达喜悦，因为关系是多种多样的。

Many Kinds of Relationships

各种关系

Your body is right now made in such way that it is still in a condition where it needs a relationship. Your mind is made in such a way that it still needs a relationship. Your emotions are in such a way that it still needs a relationship. And on a deeper level, your very energies are made in such way that you still need a relationship on that level also. If your body goes in search of a relationship, we call this sexuality. If you mind goes in search of relationships, we call this companionship. If your emotion goes in search of relationships, we call this love. If your energies go in search of a relationship, we call this Yoga. 

你的身体现在还处在一种需要一份关系的状态。你的思想现在还处在一种需要一份关系的状态。你的情绪现在还处在一种需要一份关系的状态。在更深的层面，你的能量现在也还处在一种需要一份关系的状态，在那个层面。如果你的身体去寻找一份关系，我们称之为性。如果你的思想去寻找一份关系，我们称之为陪伴。如果你的情感去寻找一份关系，我们称之为爱。如果你的能量去寻找一份关系，我们称之为瑜伽。

You will see that with all these efforts, whether it is sexuality, companionship, love or Yoga, you are trying to become one with something else because somehow being who you are right now is not enough. How can you become one with somebody else? Physically you have tried. It looks like you are going to make it, but you know you fall apart. Mentally you have tried, many times you thought you are really there but you know two minds are never one. Emotionally you thought you really made it, but divisions come up very easily.

你会看到，所有这些努力，不论是性、陪伴、爱或者瑜伽，其实你是在尝试与另一个东西合一，因为只作为当前的这个你还不足够。你如何能和另一个人合一？身体上你尝试了。它看起来好像管用了，但是你知道还是分开了。思想层面你尝试了，很多次你觉得你真的达到了，但是你知道两个思想永远不能合一。情感上你觉得你真的得到了，但是分歧很容易就产生了。

What is the way to fulfill this longing to become one with something? There are many ways to look at it. You might have noticed this at some time in your life, suppose you were very joyful, or loving or ecstatic and your life energies are feeling very exuberant, you feel a certain sense of extension. This extension, what does it mean? First of all, what is it that you call as ‘myself’? What is the basis for you to know “this is me and this is not me?” Sensation, isn’t it? Whatever is within the boundaries of your sensation is you. Whatever is outside the boundaries of this sensation is “the other” and the other is always the hell. You do not want to experience this hell, so you want to experience at least a small part of humanity as a part of yourself. This longing to include somebody or the other as a part of your life is what is called as relationships. If you include the other, the hell could be your heaven. To experience that heaven, to have that piece of heaven in your life is what the desperation to have a relationship is.

有什么方法可以实现这种想要与某个东西合二为一的渴望呢？可以从很多方面来看它。你可能在生命中某些时候注意到了这点，假如你很愉悦、充满爱或是狂喜，你的生命能量很活跃，你感觉到某种扩张。这种扩张，意味着什么？首先，你所谓的“你自己”是什么？让你得知“这个是我、这个不是我”的基础是什么？感官，是不是？在你感官范围之内的任何东西都是你。在你感官范围之外的任何东西都是“其他”，并且其他总是地狱。你不想体验这地狱，所以你想体验到至少一小部分人成为你自己的一部分。将某人或其他人纳为你的生命的一部分的这份渴望，就是所谓的关系。如果你融合了其他人，这地狱可能就是你的天堂。体验那个天堂，让你的生命中拥有一片天堂，这就是渴望要建立一段关系的原因。

Whatever is the longing behind any relationship, either if you try through the body, or through the mind, or through the emotion, you will only long; you will never know that oneness. You will know moments of oneness but it will never really happen. If you experience all this life around you as a part of yourself - Yoga is the means to experience this oneness - the way you exist here will be very different. When this happens, relationship will only become a way of looking towards the other’s need, not about your own because you have no need of your own anymore. Once there is no compulsion within you and everything that you do becomes conscious, relationship will become a true blessing, no more a longing or a struggle.

无论任何关系背后的渴求是什么，无论你是通过身体、思想，还是情感去尝试，你只会渴求，你永远不会了解那种合一。你会有片刻的合一，但它永远不会真正发生。如果你经验所有这些你身边的生命作为你自己的一部分——瑜伽就是体验这种合一的方法——那么你在这里存在的方式就会非常不同。当这发生时，关系就仅成为照料他人的需求的一种方式，而不是关乎你自己，因为你自己已经不再有需求了。一旦你内在没有了强迫性，你所做的一切变得有意识，关系将变成真正的恩典，不再是一种渴求或挣扎。

精选导读